Valentine's Day - a few thoughts

I have had variety of different views on Valentine's Day over the years, depending on my circumstances at the time.

When I was single, but didn't want to be, it just seemed like an event created by the greetings card industry, to make couples feel smug, and lonely singletons to feel there was something wrong with them and be reminded that they didn't have anyone to share it with. I remember one particular year when I felt so rubbish about it that I spent it with one of my single female friends eating takeaway pizza and watching 'Die Hard'! It was a surprisingly good evening!

When I was in a relationship (before I met my abuser), it was a chance to feel reassured that the relationship was continuing well and that we could have a nice date and enjoy feeling special.

When I was with my abuser, it was a way for him to remind me that I wasn't perfect. I was under pressure to make it a special occasion, whilst at the same time spending as little as possible (so that he didn't get upset about spending money). I don't remember many years when he made a fuss of me for Valentine's Day, as far as I can remember it was only me making the effort.

Since getting married, it has had less significance as me and my husband have been trying to have more 'dates' anyway. We don't need to reassure one another through the exchange of cards and possibly gifts that we love each other - our wedding day did that very nicely. But it was a lot easier before our daughter was born. We used to go out for meals on quite a regular basis, as we used to live near lots of lovely restaurants.

Since our daughter was born, we have had to make a much bigger effort to spend time together on our own. We haven't been out for many meals without her, and we won't be going out for Valentine's Day this year. But I think it is nice to be reminded to make an extra effort, even though it feels as if the entire day has been invented to make us buy more chocolates and flowers! It is rather like Mother's Day and Father's Day - even though these days are more or less commercial inventions, it is nice to tell our mothers and fathers how much we appreciate them, and to be on the receiving end of that appreciation too.

But I do find the commercialism a bit ridiculous. Yesterday I had an email from a well-known warehouse type store (beginning with A) telling me that I should buy things from their sale for Valentine's Day because 'I deserved it' apparently. How buying cut-price furniture and children's toys could be something I deserved, let alone in that context, is something I am still having trouble getting my head around!

So there you have it. I have gone from thinking the day was the worst one of the year, to thinking it's nice, to thinking it's highlighting my imperfections, to thinking it's a nice reminder to make an extra effort (as long as you ignore the commercialism). But love should be all year around, and so should appreciating one another, whether in a relationship or not.