Seasonal ponderings

In the run up to Christmas it is easy to get caught up in the pursuit of perfectionism. From early October we are bombarded with images of perfect families enjoying a wonderful fun time together, with immaculate homes and perfectly cooked food, whilst in their gorgeous clothes and smiling continually at each other. Whilst we all know that this is selling us a dream of Christmas (to quote the song by Greg Lake), it is hard to resist the feeling that this is something that we should all be aspiring to. The urge to spend money in order to show how we feel about those around us is almost overwhelming at times. In my case, the glut of cookery shows demonstrating how to make every-more complicated Christmas food from scratch has led to me feeling stressed at how I could ever find the time to make the wonderful recipes I have seen and still actually get to see my family instead of being stuck in the kitchen the whole time. In fact, I have solved this by buying some things ready-made, and researching methods for preparing the food ahead of time and finishing it off in time for the Christmas meal. But I still feel that another year, it might be nice to try and make that special recipe for cranberry sauce, or that special chocolate pudding that looks so delicious from last Christmas's recipe magazine.

The perfectionism around Christmas was particularly acute during the relationship with my ex, when I was generally expected to be perfect in every way. It was down to me to ensure that everything ran like clockwork, that we had the perfect presents for everyone (in his family; he didn't care what we gave mine). I remember one Christmas when we exchanged gifts, it turned out we had bought each other the same dvd. I opened mine first and then when I saw what it was, I managed to hide the one I had bought for him as I knew he would lose his temper if he realised the coincidence. He was so obsessed about spending money that we had to have the perfect Christmas on as close to a zero budget as possible, so if he thought that money had been wasted, he would have reacted very badly. Family visiting was also a source of major headaches - we spent a few Christmases at his parents' house, which I enjoyed, but he felt I was enjoying myself more with them than I did with him. It was difficult, as I genuinely got on well with them. When we visited my family the stress level for me went sky-high as I ended up being stuck in the middle. I won't say any more about that, but it was pretty horrendous.

But subsequent Christmases have been much better. The years brought much healing, especially with the relationship with my family. I had always been close to them before he had driven us apart, so it was nice to be able to recover some of that and grow it more. There has been some sadness too, remembering my grandparents, who both died during the last year of the relationship with my ex, and who had always played such a huge part in my family's celebration of Christmas. In a lot of ways it has never quite been the same again. But the experiences I have had have enabled me to reassess what is important to me and how I would like to celebrate the birth of Christ with those around me. I still don't like to spend much, and I like to make presents for my family. This is not because I don't want them to have nice things or because I think it would be a waste of money, but because I feel that the gifts are less important than the celebration with those we love. I enjoy finding gifts that are individual to each person, and if your budget is tight, you have to put more thought into it. I also really enjoy making things that are unique and so are special for that person. I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to live a generally simple life without too many possessions (the exception being books and dvds, of which I seem to have loads!) and do my best to appreciate what I have without feeling like I am missing out if we don't have the budget or space for more things in our little home. My faith has both helped and challenged me in this. Jesus said, 'Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or worry about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.' He then goes on to say how God will take care of us. (Luke 12:22-23). It is really hard to stop worrying, and it is very hard not to compare our lives with the image portrayed by others of how good their lives are. But we don't know that they are as happy or fulfilled as they appear - taking us back to the fake world of Christmas adverts, especially those made by the supermarkets.

Our Christmas this year is much more interesting as our toddler has just reached the age where she is aware of the tinsel and the excitement around Christmas. She is getting very excited at the lights and the decorations everywhere. We are also enjoying telling her the Christmas story and explaining that we will be celebrating Jesus's birthday, something that she will soon understand as her own birthday will be coming up in the next few days. We will be able to enjoy a Christmas where she doesn't have huge expectations about how much she will be given or how much will be spent. I am aware that as she gets older, managing these expectations and helping her to enjoy a simple celebration will become more difficult as she measures up her experiences against those of her peers. But this is what we hope to teach her one day, as well as the slightly sanitised version of the nativity story that she will obviously learn too:

God sent his own son to be born to a young mother. The baby was conceived before his mother married her fiancé, thus making him seen as illegitimate by those around him. He was born in a stable, and was visited by outcasts (who had been sent by an angel), who were considered to be the lowest in society (shepherds) because they could not take time out from the care of their livestock to attend the synagogue or other religious festivals as their religious leaders commanded. He was also visited by astrologers who had seen a particular star in the sky which denoted the birth of a king, and they gave gifts symbolising kingship (gold), priesthood (frankincense) and death (myrrh). His family then had to flee to avoid the massacre of boys his age commanded by the ruler of his region. His family became refugees in Egypt, before returning to their hometown some time later. The baby Jesus was born not just to be a cute baby, but to grow into a man who would bring the people closer to God and help them to have a relationship with him as never before. The Jewish religion was based on sacrifices to atone for sins, which were the actions or human nature that separated the people from God. But Jesus came to be a sacrifice once and for all so that the people would not need to sacrifice animals again, but could repent and come close to God without the need for someone else to do anything. The Christmas story is one of hope and of light because Jesus brought an end to the darkness and uncertainty of whether or not God would accept us, by becoming the light to show us the way to God instead.

I hope that you (and I) will be able to take some of the pressure off from perfectionism this Christmas and to marvel again at the message that God loves us and sent his son into our world so that we could get to know him better and draw close to him. Happy Christmas everyone, see you in the new year.