I would give anything to make sure that my daughter never has to face what I did. Obviously, as she's a toddler at the moment she is far too young to talk to about any of it, but here's some of the advice I would like to give her one day:
You are special, unique and loved. You will always be our special girl, no matter what you do with your life. Your Heavenly Father thinks you are amazing too - he created you to be unique, and he saw you forming in my womb before you were even born. You are not a cheap copy of someone else, you are a one-off, an individual who has her own path to follow in life and her own unique combination of talents and gifts. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking differently.
You do not need to follow the crowd to be popular or successful, even if that's the message you get from the people around you or the things you see on tv or the internet. Although it's nice to feel that you are part of a crowd, you do not need to lose your own identity in order to be accepted by others. You will be more accepted for being you. There will always be people in your life who try to put you down to make themselves feel bigger. They do that because they feel you are cleverer than them, or better at something, or you are different from them in a way which they are unable to understand. Do not listen to them, they don't know you like we know you, and they don't know you like God knows you. They don't know how kind and thoughtful you are, or how much you like to make us laugh and smile. They haven't seen you when you are at your most relaxed and happy. They don't know what makes you tick, and they can't appreciate you because their eyes are not open to your special nature.
Be confident with who you are, and don't let anyone stand in your way, but be kind to those around you. Do not be someone who holds others back. Appreciate that everyone is born with unique gifts and talents, and in the same way that you do not need to listen to those who put you down, do not put others down for the same reasons. If someone is better at something than you, know that you have been given other gifts and do not turn their talent into a reason for looking for ways to attack them personally. I know it is easy to look at other people and think they are better than you, I had a friend or two growing up who were extremely bright and talented at many of the things that I wanted to be better at. But just concentrate on being the best friend you can be to those around you, and you will have a much happier life.
One day you will meet someone who you feel is special and worth keeping. Don't sell yourself short and think that just because he has shown an interest, that you have to let him into your life, unless you think he is really worth it. Look at how he treats you, not at your feelings of attraction, but at how he is in other ways. Is he kind and considerate? Does he want to listen to you and take an interest in you as a person? Does he try to make you wear different clothes, listen to different music, do things that you wouldn't normally do and which make you feel uncomfortable? If he is not letting you make decisions about your clothes, music or other things, then he is not right for you, he is not treating you as a person able to run her own life. Does he get along with your friends and family? If you have been as careful about who you choose to have as your friends as I have suggested, then their opinions and those of your family should carry weight. If he does not fit in with them or appears not to like them (and especially if he tells you as much), then alarm bells should start to ring. He will create a rift between you and those who love you and you will become isolated and less able to be part of our family. It will be harder for us to help you if things were to go badly wrong further down the line. You do not want to find yourself alone in a situation where you have no way out and nobody to turn to except your partner.
A really special man will want to share your interests, and will be keen for you to share some of his (but won't force you to). He will listen to you if you want or need to talk, and he will be open and honest with you even if it is about something difficult. He will respect your opinion, even if it is different from his own, and he will not try to force you to change anything about yourself, but will love you as you are - the unique and special person that you are. He will help you to grow as a person. Hopefully he will be a Christian too (assuming that you are, I pray you will be) and so you will have someone to pray with and to grow closer to God with too.
I pray that one day, you will become the amazing person that I can already see you have the potential to be, and that you will meet an equally amazing man who will treat you well and love you as much as we do. You are our special daughter and I am so glad to be your mother.
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